Push Me Away
by Dusk Falling
Summary: Sometimes, not saying anything at all is harder than fighting. A/O femslash, don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, but if I did, I wouldn't have to come up with something clever for this disclaimer.**

_A/N: Don't let the title fool you, this has absolutely nothing to do with the song and was not inspired by it (though I am writing a C/S story inspired by it – can't wait for Jorja Fox to return to CSI! Whoo!). I actually have no idea how I thought of this, to be honest. I was trying to work on the next chapter of "All That Matters" because it's been so long since I updated and…somehow it turned into this XD I really wasn't planning on starting another multi-chap story (especially considering I don't update the ones I already have XD), but this was just begging to be written. It might seem kinda OOC or AU, but that's fanfic for ya! XD So I hope you enjoy ;) (And has anybody noticed that I always seem to start my AO stories with them fighting? XD)_

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"Well, if you could do your job right in the first place, I wouldn't have to!" I shouted at the blonde.

"Me? If _you_ could find some real evidence this wouldn't be a problem! I can't do both of our jobs, especially if you think I'm not doing my own well enough as it is!" The attorney yelled back.

I glared at her, my brown eyes locked on her blue ones. She returned the look for a moment before I looked away. "Come on, Elliot. It looks like we're not getting anywhere like this and I won't take this from _her._" I muttered to the detective who'd been standing—or hiding—a few feet behind me during my spat with the ADA.

I began to brush past Alex, murmuring an almost inaudible apology to her, to which she responded with a whispered, "Not your fault."

I paused a few feet behind her as she continued to glare at my partner, probably waiting for him to continue the fight that I'd started and barked, "What are you waiting for? Come on, El."

He hesitated before brushing past the lawyer, keen not to touch her, as he followed me down the hall as I hurried past the open door to the squad room.

-

"Do you always have to go for the comments about how I do my job?" Alex sighed as she hung up her coat and put her keys onto the table beside the front door. I smiled apologetically.

"Sorry. It was either that or 'pull the stick out of your ass and talk to the big, scary judge.' I figured that would be safer." I chuckled. I'd told her, long before anything happened between us, that she was scared of Petrovski. She hadn't taken kindly to it.

"Good choice." She smiled. I grinned, walking into the kitchen behind her and wrapping my arms around her waste as she poured a glass of wine.

"Elliot's worried about me." I sighed after a moment, slipping the bottle out of her hand and putting it away as she walked into the living room.

"Why?"

"He thinks it's the case. He thinks I'm letting it get to me." I answered, sitting down on the sofa and motioning for her to do the same as I wrapped my arms around her waist once again.

"And are you?" She inquired. I paused, caught once again between telling her the truth and letting her worry and lying and making her happy.

"Of course not. I've been doing this job long enough to know that if you make every one personal, you'll burn up."

"That doesn't mean you can completely disconnect yourself." She replied. I cursed mentally, knowing that she'd caught my lie.

I sighed. She always had been good at reading people; it was part of what made her such a great lawyer. "I'm not completely disconnecting myself."

She looked over her shoulder at me incredulously. I looked away guiltily as she said, "Perhaps not completely, but you are distancing yourself from everyone."

"No I'm not." I objected weakly, returning my gaze to her. She looked worried. Great. Just what I needed: my partner and my girlfriend both worrying about me. "Really. I'm fine."

"You never were a very good liar, Liv." She sighed with a slight smile.

"I guess it's a good thing I don't lie to you often, then." I chuckled half-heartedly.

"This case is really hard for you, isn't it?" She asked concernedly.

"Yeah." I finally sighed. "What gave me away?"

"We haven't had sex in over a week." She joked. I rolled my eyes, though the tiniest of smiles made its way to my lips.

"The captain is thinking about making a squad for this guy."

"It's gotten that bad?"

"You're the prosecutor and you're telling me you didn't know?"

"I only know what you tell me, Liv."

"Oh." I muttered before falling silent again.

"When was the last time you talked to Elliot?" She asked me after a few minutes.

"What? I just spoke with him before I got off work. You were there, Al." I said, giving her an odd look as she turned around in my arms.

"I know, but I mean when was the last time you _really_ talked to him?"

I sighed. "You know, I really don't know. It's just been so hard to talk to him lately. He's so caught up in his family and this case that I don't have any time to talk to him. Not that I don't have my own problems to worry about." I mumbled.

"You don't have to push him away."

'I'm not trying…" I grumbled, averting my gaze from her piercing blue eyes.

"You should talk to him."

"Yes, ma'am." I grinned.

She raised a brow as she returned my smile, her eyes lingering on my lips for a moment before she leaned in to whisper in my ear, "But first, I think there's something else we should take care of."

She captured my lips with hers and I responded to the kiss immediately, running my tongue along her bottom lip. I smirked slightly as she moaned into my mouth. Maybe I would talk to my partner in the morning, but that was the farthest from my mind at the moment.

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_A/N: Thanks for reading, reviews are much loved ;)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Have I mentioned that I would really enjoy watching Ecklie get eaten by a bear? Oh, wait, wrong show…**

_A/N: I apologize for the long author's note last time, I tend to go a bit overboard. Anyway, due to writer's block with all my other stories, you get another update for this one! Yay! :D Hope you enjoy ;) (Sorry again to those waiting for "All That Matters"…)_

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I walked into the squad room the next morning and Elliot looked up from his desk and over his shoulder at him. He gave me his usual polite smile as he said, "'Morning, Liv."

"Hey, anything on the case?" I asked, sitting down at my own desk across from him.

"You're in a good mood, what's up?" He joked with a bright grin that I'd begun to miss. I guessed my bad mood had dampened his mood as well.

"She must finally be gettin' some. Who's the lucky guy, Liv?" Munch teased. I feigned anger, sending him a glare and he just chuckled.

"I'm just glad you finally went home. You really needed some sleep…no pun intended." Elliot said with another award-winning smile. I returned the look but nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, you look like you got some sleep, too." I stated.

"I usually do." He shrugged, though he looked gratefully at me. I was sure that me going home gave him more motivation than just going home to an annoyed wife. To be honest, it was probably the first time I'd slept in my own bed instead of at my desk or in the crib in almost a week and it really did do wonders; I was in a better mood today than I had been all week.

"So I guess we didn't get anything on the case?" I sighed after a moment.

"Not much. At least we don't have any more victims." Elliot replied. I nodded, relieved for this much, at least.

I lifted several folders on my desk, looking at them confusedly for a moment before looking up at Elliot. As if sensing my gaze, he looked up at me questioningly. I held the folder up and he shrugged. Munch chuckled in his desk beside us but we ignored him, Elliot turning back to his DD5 as I opened another folder and read through the first page. We knew by now that he was laughing about our silent communication, though he should probably be used to it by now.

"I don't know what they are, but Cabot dropped them off this morning." Fin said after a moment.

"Alex?" I repeated with a confused expression. I'd left earlier than she had, how had she managed to make it here before me?

"Yeah, she said something about how you shouldn't drop stuff off at her office without an explanation or something." He explained with a shrug.

I muttered something—just loud enough for them to hear—about her being a cocky attorney with a god-complex who didn't know her place. I added a good comment about how a little work would do her some good and Elliot snorted.

"Something funny, Stabler?" I snapped. He shook his head, though he still looked amused. Sometimes I really hated my partner.

I returned my gaze to the folder in front of me, reading over the reports in each one before growling and tossing them to El. He looked at me questioningly but I didn't respond, instead standing up and grabbing my coat off the back of my chair.

"Where's she going?" I could hear Munch asking as I walked away, but I ignored him, too.

"Hey! Liv, whoa, wait up." Elliot called. I slowed to a stop and turned to him with a sigh. I looked at him expectantly and he asked, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go talk to Melissa again. She's our only shot at this and papers aren't going to help anything when _he _is still out there." I said. I paused before turning to walk around. I noticed he wasn't following me and turned back at him angrily. "Are you coming?"

"Liv, I don't think she's going to have anything for us. We've talked to her twice already; she's told us everything she knows." Elliot tried to reason but I rolled my eyes. Like that was good enough for him when things got a bit more personal for him than he'd like.

"Are you coming?" I repeated in an even tone. He sighed and nodded. I waited as he walked back into the squad room, returning with his jacket.

We walked in silence to the car and I let him drive, not having enough patience to deal with any traffic myself at the moment. I glared out my window at the passing buildings, occasionally looking up to focus my glower on the sky. It wasn't supposed to rain until later that day and it was certainly starting to look like it would pour.

"Think we should build an ark?" Elliot asked beside me lightly, startling me. I'd all but forgotten he was there.

"Huh?"

"Nothing." He chuckled. My glare softened slightly. I knew he was just trying to cheer me up, but he really was dumb as a post sometimes. Couldn't he see I just wanted to sulk?

We were silent a few more minutes, seeming to stop at every traffic light possible between the precinct and Melissa's apartment. I wasn't sure if I was more annoyed or relieved. I wanted to catch the son-of-a-bitch that'd been my sole focus for the past few months but at the same time it was nice to just sit back in the (mostly) silence and let my mind wander, not having any obligations or responsibilities. That is, of course, until my silence is broken by Elliot once again.

"It's Alex, isn't it?" He inquired.

"What's Alex?" I sighed, not wanting to play this game.

"You've been different since she returned."

"Different?" I repeated in a flat tone.

"You're happy. Well, for the most part." He answered. I gave his a weary look but he didn't continue.

I finally sighed, "Alright, I'll take the bait. What do you mean by that?"

"Me? Oh, I don't mean anything by it." He said with a smug grin. I rolled my eyes and returned my gaze to my window. It bothered me that we'd become so distant and yet he could still read me like an open book when I couldn't even tell what he was thinking anymore.

"Yeah, it's Alex." I finally answered. Why not, right?

He just nodded knowingly. I didn't say anything else and neither did he.

-

Elliot had been the only one who knew how I'd felt about Alex, though we'd never actually spoken of it aloud. He had seen how I was in the months following her "disappearance" and he had, apparently, seen the change in me since she'd returned. How I'd smile when she walked into the room, how I'd hang on to her every word, how I'd push a suspect harder when I thought she was watching the interrogation, how my mood would improve on especially hard cases when she was with me and how my heart broke when I got the call from Captain Cragen that Alex had gone missing.

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_A/N: Don't kill me for such a horrible (and quite likely confusing) cliffhanger; I am already working on the next chapter! I know this one was short but the next one will be longer and it will fill in a few blanks, including the gap between that last paragraph and where I left off in the car. Anyway, thanks so much for reading, please review and tell me what you think and where you think I should take this story ;)_


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